The Party That Should Have Never Happened.

Sigh; Where To Begin.

It’s difficult to put into words the sheer scale of a catastrophe this party was. Don’t get me wrong it looks pretty but Lord, what a shit show it was. I don’t know what I was thinking. Instead of writing paragraphs upon detailed paragraphs of the depths of the utter error that was this event I will just make a carefully worded, highly edited short list of the mountain of mistakes mostly spiritual that culminated into the birthday party that should have never been.

• It’s never a good idea to decide on a whim to throw a party. Any party. Gatherings should never be without considerable thought and prayer. All I know is that all of a sudden I had a chip on my shoulder that lingered and resulted in the event. I regretted my decision the second I drove to the restaurant. There was a pit in my stomach I couldn’t shake, not from anxiety but the kind you have when you know you’ve messed up and was doing something wrong. That singular event was how I came to understand that smiling faces aren’t always happy.
• I had lost touch with at least half the guest in attendance at the time. I’m talking we haven’t spoken in years lost touch.
• Enough people there should never have been there and probably didn’t want to.
• Believe it or not, it could have been worse. Thank God the people who didn’t come, didn’t.
• A scammer cheated me out of the outfit I actually wanted to wear. But even that was a miracle because what I originally planned on wearing?! 🤐 MIRACLE.
• I left my wallet at home and didn’t have internet banking. God provided the most unlikely person to give me cash as a present on the spot and It was EXACTLY the amount I needed to pay the balance for the meal.
• I had complete strangers in attendance. How awkward it must have been for them.
• The plan was for everyone to drop their phones on entry so there would be no pictures. Evidently that too failed. The backstory is too insane to share. There’s no actual need in rehashing that particular disaster.
• I called someone a party crasher to their face. Don’t ask me why, at this point everything that could go wrong had gone wrong. Was it true? Yes, but was it rude of me? Yup.
• At the time of the event I was officially close to only one person in that restaurant so what I should have done was have a quiet dinner.
• While some were upset by being there another set of folks were upset they weren’t invited. Very much a damned if you do and if you don’t situation.
• You get the point, I’ll stop here.
  

Summary And Lesson.

Always check in with your spirit on things and avoid impromptu decisions. If you know me, you’ll know I’ve never been big on birthdays including mine. It just was never a big deal to me or my family. Both my parents forgot their own birthdays so often it was memorable if they remembered. That should have been a sign to me that I wasn’t doing well, despite the facade of happiness I put on at the time. Never allow yourself get to a place spiritually where you cease to communicate with yourself. Sin can numb your spirit so much that your eyes become darkened and can no longer see dangers ahead and your heart becomes inclined to obvious folly in ignoring the warnings of God.

I’m grateful that I don’t have to pretend to be happy or up and doing because I actually am. To prove that that party was a charade there are people who that night was the last time we’ve spoken till this day. Involving people who are not in your life so publicly in a celebration that should have been intimate in the first place was a mistake. Long story short if you every see me publicly celebrate any even again, know that God has instructed me to and ordered my steps on who the party should be done, who should attend and where it should hold. Every last detail will be done with clarity received through prayer. Nothing wrong with celebrations but we should always be cautious and guided.

Years later, I went somewhere randomly and that party was used to slander me to my face as evidence of a false perception of me. The sad part is that I didn’t even have fun and it exposed my life to unnecessary eyes. It looked glamorous and there were smiles all around but I remember feeling particularly lonely afterwards. While there no way to gauge this suspicion, I doubt that anybody actually had a good time. I actually feel like I owe everyone in attendance an apology because that whole party just should have never happened.

Your steps, even your celebrations should always be guided by God.