“In my past I can honestly say that I was just coasting along half asleep at the wheel of my own life because most of the time, I didn’t want to physically be at the place is was so checking out to escape was my secret coping mechanism. It didn’t matter who or what was around me because I always wanted to be someplace else which made being lost within myself having fun in my own imagination very easy. Id checkin ever so often to the happenings on around me but that was it. I didn’t need gadgets to escape and wasn’t an avid reader anymore, all I had was my mind and I used it. As fun and loving and present as I could manage to be, I was. As much as those around me could give, I accepted without making a fuss. When I left your presence though I probably forgot about you until we met again. That was common practice for me. Distant when we’re together and even more when we were apart. Maybe it’s the fact that moved about a lot and kept changing schools but I know how to leave when I’ve left. The absence to technology in my life growing up all but ensured that I did. When I left a school, I never saw and heard about or from anyone there again. That’s just how it was. Many things I wrote in the book unboxed where things I’d never even told myself before. Dyu understand? Nobody had headed those stories narrated unless there where present. Focus my lack of paying attention means that as time past I forgot some detail that’s why the work is being rewritten (or at least re-edited) soon. For instance, I believe I wrote that I was queen of my house. Major detail to forget. But I had asked someones from my school to remind me if I was queen and they said yes. Anyway the truth is I wasn’t. They refused to allow me and I allowed them to allow me because I didn’t want to anyway. So I gladly styled the queen they allowed but till this day I’m grateful to God for them situation. More than grateful. It was fascinating to say the least especially the older I get the more I appreciate just how bizarre it was just how harshly, fervently, directly, irrationally and unanimously they all fought me being queen even though most people understood. Funny 🙂 but absolutely fantastic. I Love that moment for me because sometimes it takes drastic acts of hatred like that for me to wake up to the reality of the true posture of the hearts around me towards me. I hope I never assume the nature of people’s hearts again. See people as they are and accept them within the confines of your necessary boundaries based on reality. Not your projected fantasy of who they are. That way you won’t keep getting stunned. God says to guard your heart, question is from what? I believe that God’s instruction to love puts some of us at the risk of one posing our hearts to wicked people. Lesson lessons lessons learned though. I honestly never even tried to find them so now i’m grateful and optimistic for my future relationships.”
Honey
I’m excited but let’s remember to watch out and stay awake out there now lads. Cheers. #queenalready
