I’m not sure how to express this clearly but does anyone else find something kindov fishy about what’s known as romance? I’m currently investigating my own own run with this thing. Here’s the evidence I’ve gathered on me so far.
- I hate poetry. hate it, can’t stand it. Add ‘spoken word’ to that while you’re at it. Like my face physically contorts whenever I hear even a little of it. Like extreme cringe just befalls me while listening or reading any so much that I actually feel second hand embarrassment for whoever’s doing the spoken word thing. I can’t, can’t do it. Don’t love it, don’t like it. Apparently this has been ongoing for a long time but I’ve only become conscious of it now. I LITERALLY am not a lawyer today because I sat through ONE literature in English class as an art student in secondary school. Wonderful teacher, loved by all, it had nothing to do with the woman. It was just so profoundly clear to me in those moments after that one class that that wasn’t the path for me. CRYSTAL CLEAR. So yes, I absolutely detest poetry but romantic poetry ESPECIALLY. It’s just wayyyyyy to much beating around the bush for me. I just need, nay, require a far more direct (very much devoid of fluff) style of communication.
- I’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day. Maybe because my parents never did, but it wasn’t a thing in their household. What’s more? I’ve never wanted to. Even after I learned about it, I Never once wished I had celebrated it and never made any plans to either. Even when I was in situationships I never did. Never even occurred to me to want to.
- I like love songs. Mostly WL, BS Boys and Celine but you get the point. Here’s the thing though, I never liked those songs for the emotion or words they expressed I mostly absolutely stan them till this day for the melodies and voices.
- The Songs of Solomon is my least favorite book of the Bible. I can’t, I don’t get it and I HAVE TO depend on other’s interpretations and revelations from it to enjoy any part of it. It was the hardest of all the books to read.
- I’m not convinced that romance is all too related to love. It’s a part of dating culture as a social construct but it’s quite detached from what love it. Love is in the Bible woven in throughout as the connecting thread and main arch of the story but I don’t see romance in there.
- Most renditions of romance wether in movies of real life, to me, just seem very performative and too cookie-cutter in the way it presents. It also is so short lived and fizzled out super quickly, usually followed by degrees of awkwardness. It just all has that element of, well, cringe.
- It gets a major side eye from me because I don’t get it. Like I understanding kindness and creativity in expressing one’s love within the context of Eros but I can’t really say that I understand The whole thing with romance. I’m seeking. It’ll be interesting what I discover.
- All the popularized and glamorized expressions of it I find in society just feel ALMOST honest to me. It’s like an almost truth, an exquisite knockoff or like the color off-white. It’s white but it’s not quite white is it? The examples of the idea of romance I’ve seen, heard or observed look to me like ALMOST expressions of love. Makes me squint thinking ‘ummm something’s off so how, it’s just incomplete. It’s deceptively subtle but I genuinely believe there’s actually a stark difference. For instance ‘He’s very romantic’ might be nice but it isn’t the same statement as ‘he’s very loving’. God doesn’t do ALMOST things. I think that was the first red flag after realizing the concept isn’t mentioned or described in ANY of the love stories in the Bible. Name one romantic story in the Bible that matches the current world or entertainment standards. Honestly, ANYTHING that comes from solomon I suspect. Exactly how long into his fall from wisdom was that vague literary work written? How far from God’s presence had he drifted? Wife or concubine no what was that woman in the songs of Solomon anyway? I need details. If there was a women in the Bible I least wanted to be (not be like) but be, it would most likely be that babe. Like ma’am such affections should be better spent on a more worthy recipient don’t you think. What you’re expressing and how he lived, I could never. I don’t care if his kingdom was actually the size of Esther’s husband or even the whole world like Nebuchadnezzar’s, Solomon would still be an eww to me. So maybe that’s the root of the disconnect for me, I’ve just always been so put off by that particular rendition of expressions of love in the Bible. Wowww that’s deep. Again, I didn’t know that until this moment as I’m writing this. I donno, I just much prefer love expressed through the filter of the fruits of The Spirit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control. Solid, tangible expressions of love devoid of fluff and gimmicky per formative gestures as a means to compensate for a lack of the true expression of biblical love. Perhaps one day I’ll find my own expression of the thing understood as romance that doesn’t cause my soul to contort so.
- Just realized I actually despise serenades far more than ‘spoken word.’ It’s like nails on a chalkboard type bother but on a spiritual level. 😄 I hope that visual drives home the point that serenading me publicly is a bad idea. If I’m in love with you and you insist I can stomach a private one. For you my love but only for you. Eww so THAT’s probably why I low key loathe the usher type musicians of the world. Fun fact, I don’t actually like John legend either. Great musician though, I can accept that but just not for me. Wow the self revelations in this piece are somewhat alarming.
Anyhoo, to wrap this up, I’m not entirely sure how I got like this but from what what I’ve realized so far I don’t really feel bad about this.
My conclusion is that romance is something expressed uniquely by each person almost as distinctly as our fingerprints are. What I find romantic will be different from what others agree to be and that ok.
There is no mold or “correct formula” and also that it takes courage and a willingness to be vulnerable.
Now that I’m aware of this, I will find my own flavor of this thing. I guarantee it. When I do, he’ll know and probably tell y’all about it cuz even that might be too cringe for me to say or write about it. 🙂
Vulnerable is scary.
